Saturday, October 26, 2013

Forgiveness and Coping

I think I tend to forgive almost anyone given enough time. 

Then the thought came to that, if I had forgiven now, then what if I was never got upset with her and simply walked away and forgiven her then.  How would this have changed the course of events.

Obviously there would be no lawsuit.

I guess what if's are fun in retrospect, but when you are playing your part, it is so hard to do something else.  It does not feel like that is an option.

There has been a bit of a brouhaha about money that I had left to family member.  I never asked for it back nor did I ever bring it up.  I think my wife said something to my parents who mentioned it to the family member.

The family member was upset and said that all he owed me was $500 and sent that back to me via Chase Quick Pay.

Like I said I could careless about the money and I would have never asked them back for anything.  But I am pretty good with money and remembering who owed me what or for that matter if I owe money to someone.

I myself owe $10,000 to Murli and I told him that I would pay it as soon the 2 new houses I bought closed and I had a chance to fix them both up and get them ready for rental or resale.  I closed on one house in DC and fixed it up and the second house closing got delayed and we will be closing on it on Nov 4th.  I made a promise to pay it back the second I finish all my expenses with the houses and I will. It bugs me everyday that I owe money to somebody, but I promised to pay it back the second I finish with the house and I will.

But back to the point.  I know for a fact that I lent $2000 and the family member insists that it is $500.  Before that $2000, I remember that I had lent $15,000, but the family member says I gave nothing.  I guess I could be wrong, but either way, I never asked for it back, so how does it matter.

Then it got me thinking about coping mechanisms and how people tend to forget or change the nature of an event to cope with it.

The family member forgetting about the loan or thinking that it is smaller, is nothing more than a coping mechanism.  I just found it interesting.

Or someone characterizing their bad behavior as nothing more than blaming circumstances.  To me, you are presented with choices every day.  You either are good and will choose the right decision or you are bad and make the bad decision.  But the fascinating part of brain is that someone that makes a bad decision make mask it or make it more palatable by having their brain characterizing it differently.

I will give an example.

A wife will sleep with someone that is not her husband.  Her brain will characterize that she did nothing wrong.  She will actually blame her husband or someone for her moral failure.  Her brain eventually will convince her that what she did was correct and that she did not have a choice and not put a moral character flaw on her.

I just find the whole thing very interesting.