Here is the video of all the pictures from Priya's first birthday party. I figured it would be easy to share the pictures this way:
When I embed the video the blog is taking way to long to load, so here is the link for the video on Youtube. The video is 50 minutes long which is why it is taking so long to load as an embedded video:
http://youtu.be/h6x23MxSF18
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Pictures from Priyas Birthday
Here are a few pictures from Priyas Birthday. A lot of pictures did not make it, because there were too large and the blogger website would not allow them. So here are a few of the pictures from the party.
This is Priya, Niki and her Grandmother. Niki and Priya have matching dresses.
Priya with Daddy and Mommy.
Priya and her Mom's Family
Priya with Ramakka and the Girls
Brendan and His Grandfather.
Priya with her Dad's best friend. Dr Bobby and his Beautiful Wife Ami.
Priya with her cousins on her moms side
Priya with her Uncle Upendra and Usha
One of two main Ice Sculptures
This was the balloon guy that greeted guests as they entered the hall
This was the other main ice sculpture. A little girl blowing out a candle on a cup cake.
Priya's Birthday Cake
Akhil, his wife and more relatives from Priyas Mom Side.
Priya with Venanna and his family
Priya with Dr Bhavani and her family. They are not our relatives, but they sure feel like our relatives.
Vikram, Haritha, Esha - More of your cousins Priya from your fathers side. They flew in from CA to be with you. They are awesome. I wish I could have spent more time with them.
Here is Rohan (Murli's son) and Yesh (Naveen's son) who danced like crazy all night long.
This is Priya, Niki and her Grandmother. Niki and Priya have matching dresses.
Priya with Daddy and Mommy.
Priya and her Mom's Family
Priya with Ramakka and the Girls
Brendan and His Grandfather.
Priya sitting on the table so that she can blesses by her elders. She sat quietly for about 10 minutes and then decided she had enough.
Priya with her Dad's best friend. Dr Bobby and his Beautiful Wife Ami.
Priya with her cousins on her moms side
Priya with her Uncle Upendra and Usha
One of two main Ice Sculptures
This was the balloon guy that greeted guests as they entered the hall
This was the other main ice sculpture. A little girl blowing out a candle on a cup cake.
Priya's Birthday Cake
Akhil, his wife and more relatives from Priyas Mom Side.
Priya with Venanna and his family
Priya with Dr Bhavani and her family. They are not our relatives, but they sure feel like our relatives.
Vikram, Haritha, Esha - More of your cousins Priya from your fathers side. They flew in from CA to be with you. They are awesome. I wish I could have spent more time with them.
Here is Rohan (Murli's son) and Yesh (Naveen's son) who danced like crazy all night long.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Priya's First Step
Here is Priya taking her first step:
Here is Priya taking her first steps. Anisha was walking behind her and practicing walking and then she let go. Priya stood there for a long time and then finally took a step and the girls (Anisha, Aneela, Anjali, Niki, and Rekha) all started screaming and Priya got scared (You see her legs shaking), and then she cried took a few more steps to her mom.
Here is Priya taking her first steps. Anisha was walking behind her and practicing walking and then she let go. Priya stood there for a long time and then finally took a step and the girls (Anisha, Aneela, Anjali, Niki, and Rekha) all started screaming and Priya got scared (You see her legs shaking), and then she cried took a few more steps to her mom.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Advice to Priya
I always wanted to write to you and give you advice about what I have
learned. So here goes.
Health:
You will hear it all the time. "Health is your most important asset." I have to emphasize to you that this is by far the most important lesson to learn. I have not done it and I pay the price at age 49. When I was younger all I did was want to play basketball, all the time. Being 300 pounds now, I am sure that the only reason I am even alive now is because of how much I used to play basketball when I was younger.
Once you get older you will tend to work more and tend to play less. This should be done exactly inverse. Try and pick up a sport, Tennis, Golf, Hiking, Bicycling, the choices are endless, and then try and play as much as you can. This will be the key to a health life. As is, you have crappy genes. Most of the family has diabetes and tend to be on the larger side, so you have to be extra careful.
I did not do this and I do not want you to make the same mistake as I did. I will emphasize this again, "Health is your most important Asset." Nothing else even comes close to this.
Money:
I grew up in a very middle class lifestyle and I had rather ordinary dreams. I never thought that I would live much beyond 60 (because of I was massively overweight), so my whole life I lived with that assumption and I lived a luxurious lifestyle. I make a lot of money now, but there is a saying, "It is now how much you make, it is how much you save, THAT is what you make."
This is so true, I have always been a terrible saver. In fact I would say that I am a bit of a spendthrift. So I would like for you to live a life without debt. Buy a house with cash, buy a car with cash. Your most important mission is to live without any debt.
So remember if you make a $100,000, that is not actually correct. At the end of the year, how much did you save of that $100,000, that is what you made.
Stuff:
The world has become much commercialized, and the messages they are sending you is that you want this and that. It may be a Gucci purse or maybe Manolo Blahnik Shoes. For me at least it was a Rolex and a Mercedes. I was able to afford it in my 30's and I bought it, but you know what after the first 1 week of excitement, I could care less about it, I gave the Rolex to my dad and I have been through multiple Mercedes, but nothing gave me the pleasure you would think would come from possessing it. Let me give you some advice, do not waste your money chasing luxury, you will hardly care about it after you worked so hard to get it. Do not fall into this trap. It is simply an endless cycle.
Instead of stuff, learn to enjoy experiences instead. Go hike the Himalayas rather buy buying something, it will give you infinitely more pleasure.
I am not saying not to buy what you need. Go ahead and buy it, but be reasonable in your wants, that is all. I was not and I hoping you learn this lesson from me.
Lifestyle:
We have a lot of assets now, but had I been even a little bit judicious, we would be very rich. But like I said, that was never a dream of mine. I wanted to enjoy life and have fun and I felt like I did that. I did things that people can only dream about. I lived on a beach for 6 months, in a super luxurious house. I had parties there almost every night. I acted in movies. I traveled all over the world. Really stuff of dreams. I had a great life.
Unlike me, you have been born into a rich family. Your mission in life is to enjoy yourself and find something to do that you enjoy. Each of us has different talents and your mission is to find yours and develop that. Since you will be entrusted with significant money, your job is to protect that money for future generations. I do not want you to use that money as a crutch so that you do nothing, that would the worst thing you could do. Be a teacher, engineer, doctor, or even an actress, I do not care, but do it with passion and fire and be the best at it that you can be. That is what would make me proud.
But this does not mean that I will accept mediocrity from you. If you work hard and still fail at something, I am fine with that. But laziness is something that will not be accepted. I was extremely smart and I accepted mediocrity in myself and I will not accept that from you. I will provide the best help for you, in case you have trouble in anything. I know this is a double standard, but like I said, I will not allow you to be anything but the best that you can be.
Honesty:
I have lied, stolen, cheated. I am not saying that I did it all the time, but I have done these things. These are things that weigh on me to this day. So here in my advice to you; Never Lie, Never Cheat, Never Steal. I do not mean for one year, I mean your whole life. Keep every decision you make with the three mantras; Do not lie, Do not cheat, Do not steal. There are of course lots more DO NOT's, but you get the idea. I want you to have values and live your life within those values, no matter how hard that decision would be.
I remember every bad decision that I have ever made and every one of those decisions still haunt me. I do not want to have burdens like that. I used to justify what I did by saying that only the rich can afford to be virtuous, but that is not true. If you choose to do it, you can.
Drugs and Alcohol:
Nowadays Marijuana is legal in a lot of states, so I am unsure what to advice you on this subject. I have tried Marijuana, Alcohol, Cigarettes, and X. But I did not enjoy any of them and none of those things gave me as much pleasure as playing a game of pickup basketball. I have friends that are in positions of trust, Doctors and Big time CEO's that still do drugs and are able to function normally. I do not do drugs and I do not enjoy alcohol but I am hardly anyone to say what is right or wrong. I would prefer that you enjoy life in other ways. Never do hard drugs, they will simply sap your will and drive to accomplish things.
Life is really about moderation. So drink a few glasses of wine, I do not see any issue in that. Drink until you pass out, that is wrong.
Family and Friends:
I have friends that are like family to me. I have family that are almost strangers to me. I also have family that act like a family should act. You will hear all the time that, "family is most important thing." I am ambivalent to this statement. My friends have helped me when I had nothing and helped me grow to where I am now. When I was down, all the family did was point and say, do not be like him. Now that I am successful (In their terms, not mine), they point and say to be like me.
Like I mentioned, you will have significant money under your control and maybe approached by friends and family for help. Try and help where you can, but one of the hardest things to say is NO, and you will have to learn to say it. People make bad decisions and you need to let people learn from their bad decisions. Be there to help when they have truly fallen and cannot get up. Here are some examples of decisions that I have gotten into and what I did. You will likely come across situation like this and you will have to make your own decisions on if you would like to help or not.
My friend a doctor wanted a loan of $50,000 to fight a lawsuit - I gave it to him, because he had significant assets and simply had a cash crunch since his bank account was frozen. He did pay this back.
A family member wanted to borrow $10,000 to fund a new business - I gave it to him, because he provided me the invoices and explained the business and it sounded reasonable to me. I did not get this back. - I am not very tough when it comes to collection with family, and I knew they were in trouble, so I let it go. In situations like this, when the money is insignificant, I want to just forget about it. Do not let money haunt you or feel that they cheated you. Remember when people are under financial pressure, they will do anything to get money from you. You will have to learn to say NO. I should have said NO in this situation, but I wanted to believe their story and was hoping that with the $10,000 they get back on their feet. I guess it was a case of wanting to believe that it was true.
A friend wanted money to pay his wife's last year of medical college and he said that without that payment the college would give her degree and she could not start a residency that she was accepted for. I gave him $17,000. He paid interest for a few months then he disappeared. I later wrote a story in my blog about him and he called me within a few days and begged me to take it down, since he did not his family reading about it. He promised to pay me back, saying that he was tight. He finally did pay back $15,000 but his interest is still pending. His wife is a doctor making significant money, but he still has not paid it back. Recently be begged me for $3000 and he said that he would pay it back in 1 month, but it has been 3-4 months and he paid back $1000. I should have been strong to say NO, but I did not. I hope you are stronger than me in situations like this. I gave the money because I put myself in his shoes. If someone helped me like that I would make it a point to pay this back. But each of have circumstances and events may overtake us and not allow us to pay back what we owe.
A friend wanted money to start a business. I gave him $100,000. He gave me 20% ownership in the business. I also raised another $70,000 from other friends when the business needed more money. This friend if one of the hardest working people that I know, but what he is terrible at is communication. He has never sent out one update on the company. He has never provided financials to show where the company is at. When you invest in a business I want to to 2 things. I want you to invest in a business because you trust the individual. I DO NOT want you to invest if you do not trust them 100%. There is nothing more important than the integrity and trust in the person running the business. I also want you to get in writing that you will be provided every year a complete financial records and if you are not the investment becomes a demand note payable immediately. I did not do this and I do not want you to have to face a situation like this.
There are lots more, but you get the idea. Learn to say NO, it will one of the most important lessons that you learn.
Sex and Relationships:
I actually started rather late in life to show interest in girls. I would much rather have played a game of basketball then go out on a date when I was in High School. I did start to develop more interest in girl in college, but by that time I was around 300-330 pounds and then it because clear that girls were not interested in me. I used to play a lot, but I never did lose that much weight.
My first real girlfriend was my ex-wife. She was fantastic as a girlfriend. We dated for 5 years and were married for a little over 10 years. I will not go into her details much here.
So what are my views on, in your case, when you can have a boyfriend?
I am unsure on this and my guess would how mature you are and if it helping or harming you in achieving your goals. But as a general rule, I feel like you should be at least 16 before you have a relationship.
When can you have sex?
Hummm. I am so unsure about this. Sex is nothing more than nature providing you with hormones that make you want have sex for procreation. But I can tell you one thing, sex was so different when you are GF and BF relationship and when you are married. So I am not going to say no sex until you are married, but this again comes down to maturity and how you handle this. I do not think I have a rule for this, but I would hope that you wait until you are 18. I am sure that everyone in the family will disagree with me on this.
Who should you marry?
Most of your cousins consider Indian Boys unattractive. I would prefer that you marry a nice Telugu Indian boy. But this is such a personal decision. You have to live with the consequences of that decision your whole life. So be wise, but here a few things I suggest that you look for: He should be fit (not like you dad at all), well educated, have strong values, and would never hit a women.
So I would prefer that you marry a Telugu boy and I will surround you with them, but the choice is yours.
I am sure there is more to write on this subject, and I continue this later.
Family Honor:
You as a women will control the honor of your family. Your actions alone will define the honor of your family. The most important thing in your life should be your family, above everything else and by this I mean, your husband and your kids.
This is not to say that if you fail and need our help we will not be there. I will unequivocally say that we will be here to help you no matter what you do. You could call us at any time and we will be there for you. We may not approve of your actions, but we will be there to pick you up and help you, no matter what.
Emotions:
I am not very emotional so you will not see a lot of overtly emotional displays. As I get older a lot of things bring me to tears, but I can usually control myself, emotionally at least. I think in the end this has become a handicap in a sense for me. But I can guarantee you that you are well loved and we will always be there for you.
I will never hit you no matter what you do. I will explain what is right and wrong and hopefully you will learn.
Here are questions that were asked by your cousins, so I hope that they might apply to you:
At what age can I have a boyfriend?
Again I am unsure of a specific age, but my guess would be that 16 might be general guideline, but it would really depend on your specific maturity level and after having a boyfriend is it affecting you positively. If I see that having a boyfriend has affected you negatively then you will lose that privilege.
Shall I work a job?
I do not see anything to gain by working while you are in school. Your circumstances have made you fortunate so that you do not need to work and I prefer that you put 100% of your energy into your school activities be it educational, athletic or otherwise. If you have so much free time, I prefer you do volunteer work and help the community somehow.
How should I look, makeup? Weight?
I have been overweight most of my life, so I am acutely aware of the costs to me. I will push you to be fit and strong since I do not want you to have any health issues. I know nothing about makeup and I cannot really advise on this. But makeup does not make you beautiful. In the end it is your spirit, your values, and your intellect that make you beautiful.
Do what you need to do so that you feel and look beautiful if that is important to you.
As a father will you be my friend or something else?
I am not really much of a father. I doubt I will be tough on you, but I also doubt that I will be a friend. My mission in life is to make you into a productive member of society and I will do whatever it takes for you to become this productive member of society. I will try and stay consistent on my decisions so that you know exactly what I want from you.
What can I do to make you proud of me?
All I need from you is to become a productive member of society. I just do not want for you to be a drug addict or someone that does nothing because you have money.
Even if you fail, I will be proud of you as long as you have tried your best.
Health:
You will hear it all the time. "Health is your most important asset." I have to emphasize to you that this is by far the most important lesson to learn. I have not done it and I pay the price at age 49. When I was younger all I did was want to play basketball, all the time. Being 300 pounds now, I am sure that the only reason I am even alive now is because of how much I used to play basketball when I was younger.
Once you get older you will tend to work more and tend to play less. This should be done exactly inverse. Try and pick up a sport, Tennis, Golf, Hiking, Bicycling, the choices are endless, and then try and play as much as you can. This will be the key to a health life. As is, you have crappy genes. Most of the family has diabetes and tend to be on the larger side, so you have to be extra careful.
I did not do this and I do not want you to make the same mistake as I did. I will emphasize this again, "Health is your most important Asset." Nothing else even comes close to this.
Money:
I grew up in a very middle class lifestyle and I had rather ordinary dreams. I never thought that I would live much beyond 60 (because of I was massively overweight), so my whole life I lived with that assumption and I lived a luxurious lifestyle. I make a lot of money now, but there is a saying, "It is now how much you make, it is how much you save, THAT is what you make."
This is so true, I have always been a terrible saver. In fact I would say that I am a bit of a spendthrift. So I would like for you to live a life without debt. Buy a house with cash, buy a car with cash. Your most important mission is to live without any debt.
So remember if you make a $100,000, that is not actually correct. At the end of the year, how much did you save of that $100,000, that is what you made.
Stuff:
The world has become much commercialized, and the messages they are sending you is that you want this and that. It may be a Gucci purse or maybe Manolo Blahnik Shoes. For me at least it was a Rolex and a Mercedes. I was able to afford it in my 30's and I bought it, but you know what after the first 1 week of excitement, I could care less about it, I gave the Rolex to my dad and I have been through multiple Mercedes, but nothing gave me the pleasure you would think would come from possessing it. Let me give you some advice, do not waste your money chasing luxury, you will hardly care about it after you worked so hard to get it. Do not fall into this trap. It is simply an endless cycle.
Instead of stuff, learn to enjoy experiences instead. Go hike the Himalayas rather buy buying something, it will give you infinitely more pleasure.
I am not saying not to buy what you need. Go ahead and buy it, but be reasonable in your wants, that is all. I was not and I hoping you learn this lesson from me.
Lifestyle:
We have a lot of assets now, but had I been even a little bit judicious, we would be very rich. But like I said, that was never a dream of mine. I wanted to enjoy life and have fun and I felt like I did that. I did things that people can only dream about. I lived on a beach for 6 months, in a super luxurious house. I had parties there almost every night. I acted in movies. I traveled all over the world. Really stuff of dreams. I had a great life.
Unlike me, you have been born into a rich family. Your mission in life is to enjoy yourself and find something to do that you enjoy. Each of us has different talents and your mission is to find yours and develop that. Since you will be entrusted with significant money, your job is to protect that money for future generations. I do not want you to use that money as a crutch so that you do nothing, that would the worst thing you could do. Be a teacher, engineer, doctor, or even an actress, I do not care, but do it with passion and fire and be the best at it that you can be. That is what would make me proud.
But this does not mean that I will accept mediocrity from you. If you work hard and still fail at something, I am fine with that. But laziness is something that will not be accepted. I was extremely smart and I accepted mediocrity in myself and I will not accept that from you. I will provide the best help for you, in case you have trouble in anything. I know this is a double standard, but like I said, I will not allow you to be anything but the best that you can be.
Honesty:
I have lied, stolen, cheated. I am not saying that I did it all the time, but I have done these things. These are things that weigh on me to this day. So here in my advice to you; Never Lie, Never Cheat, Never Steal. I do not mean for one year, I mean your whole life. Keep every decision you make with the three mantras; Do not lie, Do not cheat, Do not steal. There are of course lots more DO NOT's, but you get the idea. I want you to have values and live your life within those values, no matter how hard that decision would be.
I remember every bad decision that I have ever made and every one of those decisions still haunt me. I do not want to have burdens like that. I used to justify what I did by saying that only the rich can afford to be virtuous, but that is not true. If you choose to do it, you can.
Drugs and Alcohol:
Nowadays Marijuana is legal in a lot of states, so I am unsure what to advice you on this subject. I have tried Marijuana, Alcohol, Cigarettes, and X. But I did not enjoy any of them and none of those things gave me as much pleasure as playing a game of pickup basketball. I have friends that are in positions of trust, Doctors and Big time CEO's that still do drugs and are able to function normally. I do not do drugs and I do not enjoy alcohol but I am hardly anyone to say what is right or wrong. I would prefer that you enjoy life in other ways. Never do hard drugs, they will simply sap your will and drive to accomplish things.
Life is really about moderation. So drink a few glasses of wine, I do not see any issue in that. Drink until you pass out, that is wrong.
Family and Friends:
I have friends that are like family to me. I have family that are almost strangers to me. I also have family that act like a family should act. You will hear all the time that, "family is most important thing." I am ambivalent to this statement. My friends have helped me when I had nothing and helped me grow to where I am now. When I was down, all the family did was point and say, do not be like him. Now that I am successful (In their terms, not mine), they point and say to be like me.
Like I mentioned, you will have significant money under your control and maybe approached by friends and family for help. Try and help where you can, but one of the hardest things to say is NO, and you will have to learn to say it. People make bad decisions and you need to let people learn from their bad decisions. Be there to help when they have truly fallen and cannot get up. Here are some examples of decisions that I have gotten into and what I did. You will likely come across situation like this and you will have to make your own decisions on if you would like to help or not.
My friend a doctor wanted a loan of $50,000 to fight a lawsuit - I gave it to him, because he had significant assets and simply had a cash crunch since his bank account was frozen. He did pay this back.
A family member wanted to borrow $10,000 to fund a new business - I gave it to him, because he provided me the invoices and explained the business and it sounded reasonable to me. I did not get this back. - I am not very tough when it comes to collection with family, and I knew they were in trouble, so I let it go. In situations like this, when the money is insignificant, I want to just forget about it. Do not let money haunt you or feel that they cheated you. Remember when people are under financial pressure, they will do anything to get money from you. You will have to learn to say NO. I should have said NO in this situation, but I wanted to believe their story and was hoping that with the $10,000 they get back on their feet. I guess it was a case of wanting to believe that it was true.
A friend wanted money to pay his wife's last year of medical college and he said that without that payment the college would give her degree and she could not start a residency that she was accepted for. I gave him $17,000. He paid interest for a few months then he disappeared. I later wrote a story in my blog about him and he called me within a few days and begged me to take it down, since he did not his family reading about it. He promised to pay me back, saying that he was tight. He finally did pay back $15,000 but his interest is still pending. His wife is a doctor making significant money, but he still has not paid it back. Recently be begged me for $3000 and he said that he would pay it back in 1 month, but it has been 3-4 months and he paid back $1000. I should have been strong to say NO, but I did not. I hope you are stronger than me in situations like this. I gave the money because I put myself in his shoes. If someone helped me like that I would make it a point to pay this back. But each of have circumstances and events may overtake us and not allow us to pay back what we owe.
A friend wanted money to start a business. I gave him $100,000. He gave me 20% ownership in the business. I also raised another $70,000 from other friends when the business needed more money. This friend if one of the hardest working people that I know, but what he is terrible at is communication. He has never sent out one update on the company. He has never provided financials to show where the company is at. When you invest in a business I want to to 2 things. I want you to invest in a business because you trust the individual. I DO NOT want you to invest if you do not trust them 100%. There is nothing more important than the integrity and trust in the person running the business. I also want you to get in writing that you will be provided every year a complete financial records and if you are not the investment becomes a demand note payable immediately. I did not do this and I do not want you to have to face a situation like this.
There are lots more, but you get the idea. Learn to say NO, it will one of the most important lessons that you learn.
Sex and Relationships:
I actually started rather late in life to show interest in girls. I would much rather have played a game of basketball then go out on a date when I was in High School. I did start to develop more interest in girl in college, but by that time I was around 300-330 pounds and then it because clear that girls were not interested in me. I used to play a lot, but I never did lose that much weight.
My first real girlfriend was my ex-wife. She was fantastic as a girlfriend. We dated for 5 years and were married for a little over 10 years. I will not go into her details much here.
So what are my views on, in your case, when you can have a boyfriend?
I am unsure on this and my guess would how mature you are and if it helping or harming you in achieving your goals. But as a general rule, I feel like you should be at least 16 before you have a relationship.
When can you have sex?
Hummm. I am so unsure about this. Sex is nothing more than nature providing you with hormones that make you want have sex for procreation. But I can tell you one thing, sex was so different when you are GF and BF relationship and when you are married. So I am not going to say no sex until you are married, but this again comes down to maturity and how you handle this. I do not think I have a rule for this, but I would hope that you wait until you are 18. I am sure that everyone in the family will disagree with me on this.
Who should you marry?
Most of your cousins consider Indian Boys unattractive. I would prefer that you marry a nice Telugu Indian boy. But this is such a personal decision. You have to live with the consequences of that decision your whole life. So be wise, but here a few things I suggest that you look for: He should be fit (not like you dad at all), well educated, have strong values, and would never hit a women.
So I would prefer that you marry a Telugu boy and I will surround you with them, but the choice is yours.
I am sure there is more to write on this subject, and I continue this later.
Family Honor:
You as a women will control the honor of your family. Your actions alone will define the honor of your family. The most important thing in your life should be your family, above everything else and by this I mean, your husband and your kids.
This is not to say that if you fail and need our help we will not be there. I will unequivocally say that we will be here to help you no matter what you do. You could call us at any time and we will be there for you. We may not approve of your actions, but we will be there to pick you up and help you, no matter what.
Emotions:
I am not very emotional so you will not see a lot of overtly emotional displays. As I get older a lot of things bring me to tears, but I can usually control myself, emotionally at least. I think in the end this has become a handicap in a sense for me. But I can guarantee you that you are well loved and we will always be there for you.
I will never hit you no matter what you do. I will explain what is right and wrong and hopefully you will learn.
Here are questions that were asked by your cousins, so I hope that they might apply to you:
At what age can I have a boyfriend?
Again I am unsure of a specific age, but my guess would be that 16 might be general guideline, but it would really depend on your specific maturity level and after having a boyfriend is it affecting you positively. If I see that having a boyfriend has affected you negatively then you will lose that privilege.
Shall I work a job?
I do not see anything to gain by working while you are in school. Your circumstances have made you fortunate so that you do not need to work and I prefer that you put 100% of your energy into your school activities be it educational, athletic or otherwise. If you have so much free time, I prefer you do volunteer work and help the community somehow.
How should I look, makeup? Weight?
I have been overweight most of my life, so I am acutely aware of the costs to me. I will push you to be fit and strong since I do not want you to have any health issues. I know nothing about makeup and I cannot really advise on this. But makeup does not make you beautiful. In the end it is your spirit, your values, and your intellect that make you beautiful.
Do what you need to do so that you feel and look beautiful if that is important to you.
As a father will you be my friend or something else?
I am not really much of a father. I doubt I will be tough on you, but I also doubt that I will be a friend. My mission in life is to make you into a productive member of society and I will do whatever it takes for you to become this productive member of society. I will try and stay consistent on my decisions so that you know exactly what I want from you.
What can I do to make you proud of me?
All I need from you is to become a productive member of society. I just do not want for you to be a drug addict or someone that does nothing because you have money.
Even if you fail, I will be proud of you as long as you have tried your best.
Monday, April 7, 2014
A Special Delivery
The below letter was written by a grandfather, when his grandchild was born. It brought me to tears.
Dear Caralyn,
You’re barely a month old now, too young to read this letter. But one day soon, someone will show you this, and maybe it will help you understand the wonderful confluence of love and hope that brought you into this world on Nov. 26, 2013.
It began with your mom, Laura Brammeier Yoho, a beautiful woman with focused brown eyes, long brown hair and a lean, lithe body from a lifetime of work in the gym and near-perfect nutrition. But her heart beat hardest for the loves of her life, you and your dad.
She met your dad, Nate Yoho, while they both worked at the Aspen Athletic Club on Merle Hay Road in 2007. Your dad played baseball at the University of Iowa and in the minor leagues for the Milwaukee Brewers. He is a hunk with a barrel chest and arms like steel cable, but his strength runs so much deeper than his muscles.
Your mom and dad fell in love. The day they proposed was so special that they re-enacted it on video, and it became a commercial for a local jewelry store. They married in August 2011. If life were a storybook, they would have lived happily ever after. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work out that way.
Read the story from July after Laura's death; watch engagement video
Not long after your parents got engaged, your mom got sick. She had brain tumors. She fought them off once, but the disease was aggressive. Your grandpa, Robert “Tim” Yoho, is a doctor. He knew how deadly the disease can be.
At one point before the wedding, Grandpa Tim took your dad aside and said, “Are you sure you don’t want to wait and see how things go with the treatment?”
Your dad, Nate, smiled that easy, confident smile of his. He replied, “Dad, I love her. And every girl deserves a wedding.”
“Right then and there, I knew what kind of man my son had become,” Grandpa Tim would later reflect. “I regretted saying anything at all. You hear about children who look up to their fathers. Well, this is one father who looks up to his son.”
Before your mom had her first round of treatments, she froze some embryos. Those are the cells that are the building blocks for human life. The doctors told your mom and dad that fighting the tumors would make it hard for her body to carry a child. But your parents loved each other and knew they wanted a baby someday.
At a dinner one weekend, your mom casually mentioned to her best friend, Kara Stetson, that she and your father might look for a surrogate mother. A surrogate is another woman who carries a baby for someone who can’t do so on her own.
Your mom and Kara met in elementary school in Wilton. They became best friends in second grade and were inseparable all the way through college at St. Ambrose University and into adulthood.
“It’s hard to explain what having a best friend like Laura for 24 years meant to me,” Kara recalled. “We were different enough and alike enough to get along perfectly. We never argued. We never got sick of one another. We were like sisters, soul mates and a best friend all rolled into one.”
They were so close, in fact, that Kara, who already had two children with her husband, Aaron Stetson, was offended by the notion that Laura would ask anyone other than her to carry her child.
This is a big commitment, Caralyn. Without going into graphic details, it involves sharing a lot of information about your body with people, having to go to the doctor a lot and asking your family to bear with you while you suffer morning sickness and other ills associated with pregnancy.
There were lighter moments, though.
Kara told her children, who were ages 6 and 9, what she was going to do for her friend. Her son, 9, asked a few questions, shrugged and sort of forgot about it. Her daughter, 6, was thrilled by the idea. She used to talk to you when you were in Kara’s womb. She told others about your surrogate mom.
“She didn’t always get the details quite right,” Kara remembered. “She would say, ‘My mom is having a baby, but it’s not my dad’s’ or ‘My mom is having a baby, but she doesn’t want it.’ We got some strange looks and had to do some fast explaining.”
What’s absolutely certain, what you should never doubt, is that your mom, Laura, really wanted you. She would have carried you herself if she could have, but her body — as fit and strong as she once was — was too weak for a pregnancy.
The tumors in her brain came back. The doctors did everything they could to help your mom. But she got sicker. She struggled to remember words. It got harder for her to walk. She kept hitting the gym. She fought so hard to be here when you were born.
Your mom’s friends hosted a baby shower at your parents’ house back in July 2013, about four months before you were born. That night, your mom got very tired. She went to bed. The next day, she was very sick. The disease was winning.
She died July 23.
Everyone was so sad. Your mom was gone.
But there was hope. You were coming. Your dad anticipated your arrival every day. He grieved for his lost love, but he prepared for his new one — you — just as hard.
Think about this: Your dad lost his wife in July, and you arrived in November, the day before Thanksgiving. In that period, he started his own personal training business and laid out plans to open his own gym.
“
Both Laura and I worked very hard to be in a position where we could support Caralyn and give her security from the day she arrived,” your dad said. “I’m very much a motivated person who sets goals and goes after them.”
You were born about noon on Nov. 26. You weighed 7 pounds, 8 ounces and were 21 inches long. You were the biggest baby your surrogate mom, Kara, ever carried. And you came out with a lot of dark brown hair, just like your mom’s.
You quickly landed in the arms of your dad. And he took to being a father as naturally as he roamed the outfield when he was a ballplayer.
“If there’s anybody who has the strength to do this right, to raise Caralyn the way Laura would have wanted, it’s Nate,” Kara said.
Your dad has had plenty of help. Your grandparents, Tim and Donna Yoho, moved in to your dad’s Grimes townhome for a while. They help where they can, but your dad is running the show.
“Sometimes he kicks us out for a while,” your Grandpa Tim remembered.
You and your dad lived with your surrogate, Kara, and her husband, Aaron, for a few days after you were born. And your other set of grandparents, Doug and Lenore Brammeier, visit every few weeks from Wilton. They’ve been doing a lot of driving. Your aunt and uncle had a baby girl, your cousin, just a few weeks before you were born.
Everyone really misses your mom, Caralyn. The hurt is still fresh. She was young and beautiful and strong. And then she was gone. But you came along.
Oh, you weren’t a replacement, not at all. You were you, a whole new person, part your dad, part your mom. Loved by all. But your arrival helped ease the grief.
“It helps having her here,” your Grandma Lenore said. “You’ll never get Laura back, but you get a little bit of her in her daughter.”
Caralyn, your mom died before you drew your first breath. That’s not fair. But you will know her. Your dad has videos. Your grandparents have pictures and stories. And your surrogate mom, Kara, she’s got stories, too. You’ll have to be a little older to hear the ones from college.
Nobody will ever take the place of the mom you didn’t get to meet. But these kind, selfless people are going to make sure you have everything your mom would have wanted you to have.
And what she wanted you to have more than anything in this world is love and hope. The next time you’re at a family gathering, take a look around at the faces of all these people who helped get you here.
That’s when you’ll see and feel your mom the most.
Best wishes,
Daniel P. Finney
Dear Caralyn,
You’re barely a month old now, too young to read this letter. But one day soon, someone will show you this, and maybe it will help you understand the wonderful confluence of love and hope that brought you into this world on Nov. 26, 2013.
It began with your mom, Laura Brammeier Yoho, a beautiful woman with focused brown eyes, long brown hair and a lean, lithe body from a lifetime of work in the gym and near-perfect nutrition. But her heart beat hardest for the loves of her life, you and your dad.
She met your dad, Nate Yoho, while they both worked at the Aspen Athletic Club on Merle Hay Road in 2007. Your dad played baseball at the University of Iowa and in the minor leagues for the Milwaukee Brewers. He is a hunk with a barrel chest and arms like steel cable, but his strength runs so much deeper than his muscles.
Your mom and dad fell in love. The day they proposed was so special that they re-enacted it on video, and it became a commercial for a local jewelry store. They married in August 2011. If life were a storybook, they would have lived happily ever after. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work out that way.
Read the story from July after Laura's death; watch engagement video
Not long after your parents got engaged, your mom got sick. She had brain tumors. She fought them off once, but the disease was aggressive. Your grandpa, Robert “Tim” Yoho, is a doctor. He knew how deadly the disease can be.
At one point before the wedding, Grandpa Tim took your dad aside and said, “Are you sure you don’t want to wait and see how things go with the treatment?”
Your dad, Nate, smiled that easy, confident smile of his. He replied, “Dad, I love her. And every girl deserves a wedding.”
“Right then and there, I knew what kind of man my son had become,” Grandpa Tim would later reflect. “I regretted saying anything at all. You hear about children who look up to their fathers. Well, this is one father who looks up to his son.”
Before your mom had her first round of treatments, she froze some embryos. Those are the cells that are the building blocks for human life. The doctors told your mom and dad that fighting the tumors would make it hard for her body to carry a child. But your parents loved each other and knew they wanted a baby someday.
At a dinner one weekend, your mom casually mentioned to her best friend, Kara Stetson, that she and your father might look for a surrogate mother. A surrogate is another woman who carries a baby for someone who can’t do so on her own.
Your mom and Kara met in elementary school in Wilton. They became best friends in second grade and were inseparable all the way through college at St. Ambrose University and into adulthood.
“It’s hard to explain what having a best friend like Laura for 24 years meant to me,” Kara recalled. “We were different enough and alike enough to get along perfectly. We never argued. We never got sick of one another. We were like sisters, soul mates and a best friend all rolled into one.”
They were so close, in fact, that Kara, who already had two children with her husband, Aaron Stetson, was offended by the notion that Laura would ask anyone other than her to carry her child.
This is a big commitment, Caralyn. Without going into graphic details, it involves sharing a lot of information about your body with people, having to go to the doctor a lot and asking your family to bear with you while you suffer morning sickness and other ills associated with pregnancy.
There were lighter moments, though.
Kara told her children, who were ages 6 and 9, what she was going to do for her friend. Her son, 9, asked a few questions, shrugged and sort of forgot about it. Her daughter, 6, was thrilled by the idea. She used to talk to you when you were in Kara’s womb. She told others about your surrogate mom.
“She didn’t always get the details quite right,” Kara remembered. “She would say, ‘My mom is having a baby, but it’s not my dad’s’ or ‘My mom is having a baby, but she doesn’t want it.’ We got some strange looks and had to do some fast explaining.”
What’s absolutely certain, what you should never doubt, is that your mom, Laura, really wanted you. She would have carried you herself if she could have, but her body — as fit and strong as she once was — was too weak for a pregnancy.
The tumors in her brain came back. The doctors did everything they could to help your mom. But she got sicker. She struggled to remember words. It got harder for her to walk. She kept hitting the gym. She fought so hard to be here when you were born.
Your mom’s friends hosted a baby shower at your parents’ house back in July 2013, about four months before you were born. That night, your mom got very tired. She went to bed. The next day, she was very sick. The disease was winning.
She died July 23.
Everyone was so sad. Your mom was gone.
But there was hope. You were coming. Your dad anticipated your arrival every day. He grieved for his lost love, but he prepared for his new one — you — just as hard.
Think about this: Your dad lost his wife in July, and you arrived in November, the day before Thanksgiving. In that period, he started his own personal training business and laid out plans to open his own gym.
“
Both Laura and I worked very hard to be in a position where we could support Caralyn and give her security from the day she arrived,” your dad said. “I’m very much a motivated person who sets goals and goes after them.”
You were born about noon on Nov. 26. You weighed 7 pounds, 8 ounces and were 21 inches long. You were the biggest baby your surrogate mom, Kara, ever carried. And you came out with a lot of dark brown hair, just like your mom’s.
You quickly landed in the arms of your dad. And he took to being a father as naturally as he roamed the outfield when he was a ballplayer.
“If there’s anybody who has the strength to do this right, to raise Caralyn the way Laura would have wanted, it’s Nate,” Kara said.
Your dad has had plenty of help. Your grandparents, Tim and Donna Yoho, moved in to your dad’s Grimes townhome for a while. They help where they can, but your dad is running the show.
“Sometimes he kicks us out for a while,” your Grandpa Tim remembered.
You and your dad lived with your surrogate, Kara, and her husband, Aaron, for a few days after you were born. And your other set of grandparents, Doug and Lenore Brammeier, visit every few weeks from Wilton. They’ve been doing a lot of driving. Your aunt and uncle had a baby girl, your cousin, just a few weeks before you were born.
Everyone really misses your mom, Caralyn. The hurt is still fresh. She was young and beautiful and strong. And then she was gone. But you came along.
Oh, you weren’t a replacement, not at all. You were you, a whole new person, part your dad, part your mom. Loved by all. But your arrival helped ease the grief.
“It helps having her here,” your Grandma Lenore said. “You’ll never get Laura back, but you get a little bit of her in her daughter.”
Caralyn, your mom died before you drew your first breath. That’s not fair. But you will know her. Your dad has videos. Your grandparents have pictures and stories. And your surrogate mom, Kara, she’s got stories, too. You’ll have to be a little older to hear the ones from college.
Nobody will ever take the place of the mom you didn’t get to meet. But these kind, selfless people are going to make sure you have everything your mom would have wanted you to have.
And what she wanted you to have more than anything in this world is love and hope. The next time you’re at a family gathering, take a look around at the faces of all these people who helped get you here.
That’s when you’ll see and feel your mom the most.
Best wishes,
Daniel P. Finney
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