I always wanted to write to you and give you advice about what I have
learned. So here goes.
Health:
You will hear it all the time. "Health is your most important
asset." I have to emphasize to you that this is by far the most
important lesson to learn. I have not done it and I pay the price at age
49. When I was younger all I did was want to play basketball, all the
time. Being 300 pounds now, I am sure that the only reason I am even
alive now is because of how much I used to play basketball when I was younger.
Once you get older you will tend to work more and tend to play less.
This should be done exactly inverse. Try and pick up a sport, Tennis,
Golf, Hiking, Bicycling, the choices are endless, and then try and play as much
as you can. This will be the key to a health life. As is, you have
crappy genes. Most of the family has diabetes and tend to be on the
larger side, so you have to be extra careful.
I did not do this and I do not want you to make the same mistake as I
did. I will emphasize this again, "Health is your most important
Asset." Nothing else even comes close to this.
Money:
I grew up in a very middle class lifestyle and I had rather ordinary
dreams. I never thought that I would live much beyond 60 (because of I was
massively overweight), so my whole life I lived with that assumption and I
lived a luxurious lifestyle. I make a lot of money now, but there is a saying,
"It is now how much you make, it is how much you save, THAT is what you
make."
This is so true, I have always been a terrible saver. In fact I would
say that I am a bit of a spendthrift. So I would like for you to live a
life without debt. Buy a house with cash, buy a car with cash. Your
most important mission is to live without any debt.
So remember if you make a $100,000, that is not actually correct. At
the end of the year, how much did you save of that $100,000, that is what you
made.
Stuff:
The world has become much commercialized, and the messages they are sending
you is that you want this and that. It may be a Gucci purse or
maybe Manolo Blahnik Shoes. For me at least it was a Rolex and a
Mercedes. I was able to afford it in my 30's and I bought it, but you
know what after the first 1 week of excitement, I could care less about it, I
gave the Rolex to my dad and I have been through multiple Mercedes, but nothing
gave me the pleasure you would think would come from possessing it.
Let me give you some advice, do not waste your money chasing luxury, you
will hardly care about it after you worked so hard to get it. Do not fall
into this trap. It is simply an endless cycle.
Instead of stuff, learn to enjoy experiences instead. Go hike the
Himalayas rather buy buying something, it will give you infinitely more
pleasure.
I am not saying not to buy what you need. Go ahead and buy it, but be
reasonable in your wants, that is all. I was not and I hoping you learn
this lesson from me.
Lifestyle:
We have a lot of assets now, but had I been even a little bit judicious, we
would be very rich. But like I said, that was never a dream of
mine. I wanted to enjoy life and have fun and I felt like I did
that. I did things that people can only dream about. I lived on a
beach for 6 months, in a super luxurious house. I had parties there almost
every night. I acted in movies. I traveled all over the
world. Really stuff of dreams. I had a great life.
Unlike me, you have been born into a rich family. Your mission in life
is to enjoy yourself and find something to do that you enjoy. Each of us has
different talents and your mission is to find yours and develop that.
Since you will be entrusted with significant money, your job is to protect that
money for future generations. I do not want you to use that money as a
crutch so that you do nothing, that would the worst thing you could do.
Be a teacher, engineer, doctor, or even an actress, I do not care, but do it
with passion and fire and be the best at it that you can be. That is what
would make me proud.
But this does not mean that I will accept mediocrity from you. If you
work hard and still fail at something, I am fine with that. But laziness
is something that will not be accepted. I was extremely smart and I
accepted mediocrity in myself and I will not accept that from you. I will
provide the best help for you, in case you have trouble in anything. I
know this is a double standard, but like I said, I will not allow you to be
anything but the best that you can be.
Honesty:
I have lied, stolen, cheated. I am not saying that I did it all the
time, but I have done these things. These are things that weigh on me to
this day. So here in my advice to you; Never Lie, Never Cheat, Never
Steal. I do not mean for one year, I mean your whole life. Keep
every decision you make with the three mantras; Do not lie, Do not cheat,
Do not steal. There are of course lots more DO NOT's, but you get the
idea. I want you to have values and live your life within those values,
no matter how hard that decision would be.
I remember every bad decision that I have ever made and every one of those
decisions still haunt me. I do not want to have burdens like that.
I used to justify what I did by saying that only the rich can afford to be
virtuous, but that is not true. If you choose to do it, you can.
Drugs and Alcohol:
Nowadays Marijuana is legal in a lot of states, so I am unsure what to
advice you on this subject. I have tried Marijuana, Alcohol, Cigarettes,
and X. But I did not enjoy any of them and none of those things gave me
as much pleasure as playing a game of pickup basketball. I have friends
that are in positions of trust, Doctors and Big time CEO's that still do drugs
and are able to function normally. I do not do drugs and I do not enjoy
alcohol but I am hardly anyone to say what is right or wrong. I would
prefer that you enjoy life in other ways. Never do hard drugs, they will
simply sap your will and drive to accomplish things.
Life is really about moderation. So drink a few glasses of wine, I do
not see any issue in that. Drink until you pass out, that is wrong.
Family and Friends:
I have friends that are like family to me. I have family that are
almost strangers to me. I also have family that act like a family should
act. You will hear all the time that, "family is most important
thing." I am ambivalent to this statement. My friends have
helped me when I had nothing and helped me grow to where I am now. When I
was down, all the family did was point and say, do not be like him. Now
that I am successful (In their terms, not mine), they point and say to be like
me.
Like I mentioned, you will have significant money under your control and
maybe approached by friends and family for help. Try and help where you
can, but one of the hardest things to say is NO, and you will have to learn to
say it. People make bad decisions and you need to let people learn from
their bad decisions. Be there to help when they have truly fallen and
cannot get up. Here are some examples of decisions that I have gotten into and
what I did. You will likely come across situation like this and you will
have to make your own decisions on if you would like to help or not.
My friend a doctor wanted a loan of $50,000 to fight a lawsuit - I gave it
to him, because he had significant assets and simply had a cash crunch since
his bank account was frozen. He did pay this back.
A family member wanted to borrow $10,000 to fund a new business - I gave it
to him, because he provided me the invoices and explained the business and it
sounded reasonable to me. I did not get this back. - I am not
very tough when it comes to collection with family, and I knew they were in
trouble, so I let it go. In situations like this, when the money is
insignificant, I want to just forget about it. Do not let money haunt you
or feel that they cheated you. Remember when people are under financial
pressure, they will do anything to get money from you. You will have to
learn to say NO. I should have said NO in this situation, but I wanted to
believe their story and was hoping that with the $10,000 they get back on their
feet. I guess it was a case of wanting to believe that it was true.
A friend wanted money to pay his wife's last year of medical college and he said
that without that payment the college would give her degree and she could not
start a residency that she was accepted for. I gave him $17,000. He
paid interest for a few months then he disappeared. I later wrote a story
in my blog about him and he called me within a few days and begged me to take
it down, since he did not his family reading about it. He promised to pay
me back, saying that he was tight. He finally did pay back $15,000 but
his interest is still pending. His wife is a doctor making significant
money, but he still has not paid it back. Recently be begged me for $3000
and he said that he would pay it back in 1 month, but it has been 3-4 months
and he paid back $1000. I should have been strong to say NO, but I did
not. I hope you are stronger than me in situations like this. I
gave the money because I put myself in his shoes. If someone helped me
like that I would make it a point to pay this back. But each of have
circumstances and events may overtake us and not allow us to pay back what we
owe.
A friend wanted money to start a business. I gave him $100,000.
He gave me 20% ownership in the business. I also raised another $70,000
from other friends when the business needed more money. This friend if
one of the hardest working people that I know, but what he is terrible at is
communication. He has never sent out one update on the company. He
has never provided financials to show where the company is at. When you
invest in a business I want to to 2 things. I want you to invest in a
business because you trust the individual. I DO NOT want you to invest if
you do not trust them 100%. There is nothing more important than the
integrity and trust in the person running the business. I also want you
to get in writing that you will be provided every year a complete financial
records and if you are not the investment becomes a demand note payable
immediately. I did not do this and I do not want you to have to face a
situation like this.
There are lots more, but you get the idea. Learn to say NO, it will
one of the most important lessons that you learn.
Sex and Relationships:
I actually started rather late in life to show interest in girls. I
would much rather have played a game of basketball then go out on a date when I
was in High School. I did start to develop more interest in girl in
college, but by that time I was around 300-330 pounds and then it because clear
that girls were not interested in me. I used to play a lot, but I never
did lose that much weight.
My first real girlfriend was my ex-wife. She was fantastic as a
girlfriend. We dated for 5 years and were married for a little over 10
years. I will not go into her details much here.
So what are my views on, in your case, when you can have a boyfriend?
I am unsure on this and my guess would how mature you are and if it helping
or harming you in achieving your goals. But as a general rule, I feel
like you should be at least 16 before you have a relationship.
When can you have sex?
Hummm. I am so unsure about this. Sex is nothing more than
nature providing you with hormones that make you want have sex for
procreation. But I can tell you one thing, sex was so different when you
are GF and BF relationship and when you are married. So I am not going to
say no sex until you are married, but this again comes down to maturity and how
you handle this. I do not think I have a rule for this, but I would hope that
you wait until you are 18. I am sure that everyone in the family will
disagree with me on this.
Who should you marry?
Most of your cousins consider Indian Boys unattractive. I would prefer
that you marry a nice Telugu Indian boy. But this is such a personal
decision. You have to live with the consequences of that decision your
whole life. So be wise, but here a few things I suggest that you look
for: He should be fit (not like you dad at all), well educated, have
strong values, and would never hit a women.
So I would prefer that you marry a Telugu boy and I will surround you with
them, but the choice is yours.
I am sure there is more to write on this subject, and I continue this later.
Family Honor:
You as a women will control the honor of your family. Your actions
alone will define the honor of your family. The most important thing in
your life should be your family, above everything else and by this I mean, your
husband and your kids.
This is not to say that if you fail and need our help we will not be
there. I will unequivocally say that we will be here to help you no
matter what you do. You could call us at any time and we will be there
for you. We may not approve of your actions, but we will be there to pick
you up and help you, no matter what.
Emotions:
I am not very emotional so you will not see a lot of overtly emotional
displays. As I get older a lot of things bring me to tears, but I can
usually control myself, emotionally at least. I think in the end this has
become a handicap in a sense for me. But I can guarantee you that you are
well loved and we will always be there for you.
I will never hit you no matter what you do. I will explain what is
right and wrong and hopefully you will learn.
Here are questions that were asked by your cousins, so I hope that
they might apply to you:
At what age can I have a boyfriend?
Again I am unsure of a specific age, but my guess would be that 16 might be
general guideline, but it would really depend on your specific maturity level
and after having a boyfriend is it affecting you positively. If I see
that having a boyfriend has affected you negatively then you will lose that
privilege.
Shall I work a job?
I do not see anything to gain by working while you are in school. Your circumstances
have made you fortunate so that you do not need to work and I prefer that you
put 100% of your energy into your school activities be it educational, athletic or otherwise. If you have so much
free time, I prefer you do volunteer work and help the community somehow.
How should I look, makeup? Weight?
I have been overweight most of my life, so I am acutely aware of the costs
to me. I will push you to be fit and strong since I do not want you to
have any health issues. I know nothing about makeup and I cannot really
advise on this. But makeup does not make you beautiful. In the end
it is your spirit, your values, and your intellect that make you beautiful.
Do what you need to do so that you feel and look beautiful if that is
important to you.
As a father will you be my friend or something else?
I am not really much of a father. I doubt I will be tough on you, but
I also doubt that I will be a friend. My mission in life is to make you
into a productive member of society and I will do whatever it takes for you to
become this productive member of society. I will try and stay consistent on my
decisions so that you know exactly what I want from you.
What can I do to make you proud of me?
All I need from you is to become a productive member of society. I
just do not want for you to be a drug addict or someone that does nothing
because you have money.
Even if you fail, I will be proud of you as long as you have tried your
best.
